Thursday, October 27, 2011

Testicle Envy...It Happens

My roommate just adopted a new dog. He's stubborn, exceptional at breaking into and out of things, an expert "counter surfer" (he gets on the counters and steals any food we leave out), and is really, quite an adorable character. I like him, and he has my vote of approval to stay.

That being said, Goose, my roommate's dog, has what I can only describe as testicle envy. If he meets a dog who is not fixed, he attacks. Every time. Without question.

It's always dangerous, and always embarrassing. But here's the weird thing - people...(and let me go ahead and say "guys" instead of people because I've only encountered male owners who don't have their male dogs fixed) are generally pretty cool about the fact that Goose just went after their dog like a rabid...well a rabid goose, if you will.

So while it may not look like a huge problem because the owners don't get upset, I'm a little worried because the guys who don't get their dogs fixed generally own dogs that weigh 60+ pounds, have massive jaws, and are breeds or mixed-breeds known for being excellent guard dogs or fighting dogs.

Goose, on the other hand, is 45 pounds, frolics in the tall grasses, and has been known to bark like a girl (though we don't tell him that his bark can be girly). All that to say, that if Goose were to go after the wrong dog his...goose would be cooked (please don't stop reading, no more puns, I promise).

Here's the thing, if your dog isn't fixed, you shouldn't be taking it to the dog park anyway, because other dogs that don't have testicles get testicle envy. Just like it's said that the guys who drive big trucks are compensating, Goose tries to compensate for his missing juevos by trying to "rabid goose" the other dog into submission. And, to this day, his efforts have not been successful.

Then there is Cooper (my dog), who, I have concluded, must be gay. He's a mounter, through and through. Only thing is, Cooper only mounts pure-bred male dogs, and if they have testicles it only exacerbates his mounting efforts. Oddly enough, people who have paid thousands of dollars for their dogs get as offended by Cooper humping their dog as they would if I were to walk up to their BMW and "establish my dominance" on their car.

Designer dog or not, people need to realize that dogs from the pound to the most expensive breeder still run, bark, scratch, and sniff - and sometimes, mounting happens. For my dog, he happens to think the dog park is a brothel.


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